Inconsistent consistency.

My little heart thrives on consistency.

This is something that I’ve grown to know very well about myself. I like a schedule and knowing where I’ll be at what time. I like planning for certain activities and managing a roll of friendships. I like knowing who I’ll see when I’ll see them, too. I think my younger teenage self would be disgusted with what I’ve grown so accustomed to.

However, I think back to why I like it this way and I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s because my life for the past three years has been anything but that. I’ve placed myself in a constantly changing environment, where people leaving is a norm, and I’m stuck between the life that I’ve built and the life that I’ve always known. This revolving door of going between two different lives (not to mention different cultures) has shown me the strain I feel with constant transition.

I don’t think there’s a three step plan to overcoming my hate for transition, but I do think there is an extreme upper hand in knowing that I don’t like these things. In other words, knowing that I’m not a fan of this type of transition in my life right now is going to be the best thing for me because it means I’m aware of it.

Being aware of something can mean walking the line between ignorance and consolidation.

Because I know that this isn’t my strong suite, I make sure not to cater to myself.

Because I’m aware that this is a struggle, I’m able to talk myself down off ledges.

Because I care about self awareness and growing myself, I’ve decided to not let this control me (which can be the biggest pain in the butt). It’s one thing to know yourself, and it’s another to indulge yourself.

Since I just got back to Australia (or life #2) this week I can say this was the hardest struggle of not indulging in my hate for transition yet. I was scary close to pulling the plug and settling into the life I had built while I was home. However, because I was aware that this was my tendency, I pulled myself out of it (barely) and got on the plane anyways.

I won’t let my hate for transition rule finishing a three year music program, and you shouldn’t let your shy tendencies or comfortabilities in life hold you back from what you know you should do – or even what you know is best for you.

So, that’s my encouragement. Don’t be scared to find out who you really are and discover your weaknesses. It’s in being aware of your weakness that you can truly see who you are, and do what you need to do despite yourself.

You may not think you need to know it now, but I say you do. There’s only good that comes from knowing your quirks and preferences – likes and dislikes – because you’re seeing life the way you’re actually living it and not how you think you’re living it.

 

 

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